Tom went on a date with Pam last night. They went to a bar for dinner/drinks and to see a live band. (But enough about them, this blog is supposed to be about me.) I asked Tom to see if he could find out any details regarding what happened with Sara. Did I fuck up on the date and she was just being nice about breaking it off with me? Was it really about her ex? Tom came home around 1am and I couldn't wait for the details.
[As soon as Tom walked into the house.]
Me: So, what happened?
Tom: Have you been waiting for me to get home? How long have you been sitting there?
Me: A few minutes (...or 3 hours. Don't judge).
Tom: You've been sitting there since I left, haven't you? You have a problem. Go to bed.
Me: Come on. Tell me what happened. I neeeeed to know.
Tom: Dinner was good. Beer was good. Band was good. Pam is looking for a serious relationship. I’m looking for something casual. We had fun, but agreed we were looking for different things and would just be friends. She gave me a token kiss goodnight and that’s it.
Me: And…?
Tom: And I’m tired and going to bed.
Me: But what did you find out about Sara?
Tom: Nothing exciting. Just go to bed and I'll tell you in the morning.
Me: Come on. Don't be a dick.
Tom: Well at least I'll be a well rested dick if and when I feel like telling you details. Plus it is fun to watch you suffer.
ASSSSSSHOOOOOOOLE!
Since Tom decided to be a douche (not to be confused with The Douche), I was forced to go to bed and wait, but...
2am – still awake. Grrrr.
3am – still awake. This sucks.
4am – still awake. Fucking Tom. Asshole.
4:01am – AHHHHHH! I need to know NOW!
[I jumped out of bed. Busted into Tom’s room. Woke him up.]
Tom: What the? Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously Nick? It's like 5am.
Me: It's 4am. I can’t sleep! I need to know!
Tom: Fiiiine. If you admit that you need serious mental help.
Me: Yes. Help. Doctor. Brain. Talk. Please.
Tom: Gretta (aka Grendel) posted some kind of comment on Facebook that Sara was on a date and her ex saw it. She had fun on her date with you, but I guess what she had before was pretty serious. Just like she told you. Happy now? Can I go back to sleep?
Grendel cock-blocked me? Son-of-a-bitch.
When I went back to bed I had the most wonderful dream. I was in a castle that was being attacked by a horrible monster with the head of Grendel. Pam and Sara were lying half-naked in a bed behind me as I protected them from the horrible creature. Grendel lunged at me and I cut her head off with a sword. Then I joined Sara and Pam in the bed and we all started making out. And the dream was going great until my alarm went off and I woke up with my lips pressed firmly against my Darth Vader pillow (grown men can have Star Wars pillows. Don’t judge).
The book of Sara is closed for now but who knows, maybe things won’t work out with her on-again off-again boyfriend and we’ll get another chance. Maybe I’ll meet another girl tomorrow and she’ll be the right girl for me. For now though, I need to get ready for work.
The 2nd Date?
The night after our first date, I received a phone call from Sara asking me if I wanted to meet up for coffee because she was going to be busy over the weekend and didn't want to wait to see me again. (Eager to see me? Yay!) I was really looking forward to seeing her again too, so we decided to meet up the following day.
I met Sara around 3pm at this little cafe in town called Deja Brew (somehow I feel as though I've been here before.) When I got there, Sara was already sitting by the window with a coffee and reading a book. Like a gentleman, I popped over to see if she needed anything before I went to the counter to get my drink. She said she was fine (yeah she is), so I went up and ordered myself a caramel latte (yes, I know it's a girly drink, but it just tastes soooo good. Don't judge.) I then went back to the table to join Sara for our second date (or so I thought).
Sara: Thanks for meeting up with me today.
Me: No problem. I kind of couldn't wait to see you again.
Sara: Me too, but... um... [long awkward pause] ...so you know how my ex-boyfriend was at my place the other night?
Me: Um, yeah. I remember. (I have a bad feeling about where this is going.)
Sara: Well apparently I thought we were broken up, but he thought we were just taking a break. I'm not really sure what the difference is (me neither), but he told me he is ready to be "us" again. I'm not really sure if it is going to work out with him since he has pulled this on me before, but since I've already invested almost 4 years into the relationship, I feel like I have to give it one more shot (I'll give him a shot!). I hope you can understand and that we can still be friends.
Me: Oh. Sure. I guess. I mean, we were just starting out. I understand. (I understand this fucking sucks.)
Sara: Well I have to get going, but give me a call next week and maybe we can all hang out.
Me: Okay. Sounds good. (Yeah, probably not.)
And with that, Sara gave me a hug and left. Now I have a hundred questions about what the hell happened. Was that really her ex at her house or is she just not interested in me? The "I'm getting back with my ex" seems to be the easy let down these days instead of "it's not me, it's you" (or maybe it's the reverse of that). And how the hell did her ex just happen to show up the night of our date? Does she really want to try and be friends or is she just being nice? Do I attempt to steal her back from her ex or now boyfriend? AHHHHH!
I think Tom is going on a date with Pam this weekend. Maybe he'll be nice and get some details for me so I can get these questions out of my head. I think I need another caramel latte. Don't judge.
I met Sara around 3pm at this little cafe in town called Deja Brew (somehow I feel as though I've been here before.) When I got there, Sara was already sitting by the window with a coffee and reading a book. Like a gentleman, I popped over to see if she needed anything before I went to the counter to get my drink. She said she was fine (yeah she is), so I went up and ordered myself a caramel latte (yes, I know it's a girly drink, but it just tastes soooo good. Don't judge.) I then went back to the table to join Sara for our second date (or so I thought).
Sara: Thanks for meeting up with me today.
Me: No problem. I kind of couldn't wait to see you again.
Sara: Me too, but... um... [long awkward pause] ...so you know how my ex-boyfriend was at my place the other night?
Me: Um, yeah. I remember. (I have a bad feeling about where this is going.)
Sara: Well apparently I thought we were broken up, but he thought we were just taking a break. I'm not really sure what the difference is (me neither), but he told me he is ready to be "us" again. I'm not really sure if it is going to work out with him since he has pulled this on me before, but since I've already invested almost 4 years into the relationship, I feel like I have to give it one more shot (I'll give him a shot!). I hope you can understand and that we can still be friends.
Me: Oh. Sure. I guess. I mean, we were just starting out. I understand. (I understand this fucking sucks.)
Sara: Well I have to get going, but give me a call next week and maybe we can all hang out.
Me: Okay. Sounds good. (Yeah, probably not.)
And with that, Sara gave me a hug and left. Now I have a hundred questions about what the hell happened. Was that really her ex at her house or is she just not interested in me? The "I'm getting back with my ex" seems to be the easy let down these days instead of "it's not me, it's you" (or maybe it's the reverse of that). And how the hell did her ex just happen to show up the night of our date? Does she really want to try and be friends or is she just being nice? Do I attempt to steal her back from her ex or now boyfriend? AHHHHH!
I think Tom is going on a date with Pam this weekend. Maybe he'll be nice and get some details for me so I can get these questions out of my head. I think I need another caramel latte. Don't judge.
Here's to the Night
Nick and Sara... the 1st date. While I could go on for pages about this evening, I will try to nutshell it down to the highlights (and lowlights).
Excited and nervous, I got to Sara's place around 6pm to pick her up for our date. I walked up to her door, she came out, and we walked to my car. I naturally opened the car door for her like a gentleman. (Related: An ex once told me that she had this weird rule that if a guy opened all the doors for her on 1st date, she'd give him a blowjob at the end. Now I do it all the time, just in case.)
We went to a Japanese sushi restaurant called Fujiama. When we got to the restaurant there was an hour wait, so we hung out at the bar and had a couple drinks. She got a text while we were chatting about work, family, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc., but like a good girl she didn't check the text. (I hate it when people check their phone while you are having a conversation with them. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude".) Turns out we have quite a bit in common as far as interests go. We both come from small families, enjoy sci-fi, watching football, dive bars, and (of course) karaoke.
When we finally sat down, we ordered a combo sushi tray/boat thing of California Roll, Spider Maki, Yellow Tail and Ebi. (If you don't eat sushi, that was all gibberish to you. If you do, it was sooooo good.) I didn't eat any wasabi in order to avoid any sort of embarrassment that could come with a burning mouth, burning ass, upset stomach, and so on. Oddly, Sara got another text half way through dinner. We were in the middle of eating and not really talking, so she took a quick look at her phone and put it away. (At this point, I'm hoping the texts are nothing important. Maybe she's getting Fantasy Sports alerts. Yeah, that's probably not it.)
Following dinner we went to see "The Tourist". Awful. The movie was just plain awful. Good actors, terrible storyline. Do not ever see this movie. In fact, I would suggest burning any posters you see of this movie to save everyone else the pain we felt. You cannot advertise your movie as an action film if your only real action scene involves someone trying to get away on a boat that goes 15mph and people are keeping up with you on foot. And unless you are Darth Vader, I'm pretty sure in order to choke someone properly you aren't supposed to have an inch of space between the rope and the person's neck. Sara got a phone call during the movie, looked at her phone, and hit ignore. She apologized for the interruption. (Okay, the date feels like it is going okay, but clearly something is up with the texts and phone calls. I don't need a college degree to know that something is off.)
After the movie I decided to buck up and ask Sara about the phone call/texts.
Me: Is everything okay? Seems like someone is trying to get in touch with you.
Sara: Sorry. Don't worry about it. A friend of mine is just being annoying.
(And that person isn't me. Yay me! Yay me dance! It's my birthday! ... ahem, sorry, got a little carried away there in my head. Where was I? 1992?)
So as we're driving back to Sara's place, I can already feel myself getting nervous and prepping for what I am hoping will be our first kiss (...or more. I only forgot to open one door, so maybe that earns me a handy. Kidding... kind of. I'd be perfectly happy with just a kiss. I really like this girl.) But just as we are pulling up to her apartment...
Sara: Oh fuck.
Me: What? What just happened? Everything okay?
Sara: No. Apparently not. See that car in my driveway? (I nod.) That's my ex-boyfriend's car. He's the one who has been texting and calling me all night. I am really really sorry.
Me: Um... is there anything I can do? Do you want me to take you someplace else?
Sara: No. It's okay. I don't even know why he is here. I'll just go in and deal with him.
Me: I was going to walk you to your door. Do you want me to still walk you to your door?
Sara: Aw. That is really sweet of you, but I think the mood has just been spoiled. I really did have fun tonight, even if the movie was awful. Give me a call later this week?
Me: Absolutely. I had a great time too. Good luck.
And with that, we both leaned in towards each other and had a long kiss. With the sudden stress put on the situation, it wasn't the best kiss in the world, but it still ranked up there in my book. I'm pretty sure we both felt that special spark in the kiss.
So even when I finally manage to not screw something up with this girl, somebody else sweeps in and puts a damper on a beautiful evening. Such is the life of Nicholas Nobody.
Excited and nervous, I got to Sara's place around 6pm to pick her up for our date. I walked up to her door, she came out, and we walked to my car. I naturally opened the car door for her like a gentleman. (Related: An ex once told me that she had this weird rule that if a guy opened all the doors for her on 1st date, she'd give him a blowjob at the end. Now I do it all the time, just in case.)
We went to a Japanese sushi restaurant called Fujiama. When we got to the restaurant there was an hour wait, so we hung out at the bar and had a couple drinks. She got a text while we were chatting about work, family, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc., but like a good girl she didn't check the text. (I hate it when people check their phone while you are having a conversation with them. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude".) Turns out we have quite a bit in common as far as interests go. We both come from small families, enjoy sci-fi, watching football, dive bars, and (of course) karaoke.
When we finally sat down, we ordered a combo sushi tray/boat thing of California Roll, Spider Maki, Yellow Tail and Ebi. (If you don't eat sushi, that was all gibberish to you. If you do, it was sooooo good.) I didn't eat any wasabi in order to avoid any sort of embarrassment that could come with a burning mouth, burning ass, upset stomach, and so on. Oddly, Sara got another text half way through dinner. We were in the middle of eating and not really talking, so she took a quick look at her phone and put it away. (At this point, I'm hoping the texts are nothing important. Maybe she's getting Fantasy Sports alerts. Yeah, that's probably not it.)
Following dinner we went to see "The Tourist". Awful. The movie was just plain awful. Good actors, terrible storyline. Do not ever see this movie. In fact, I would suggest burning any posters you see of this movie to save everyone else the pain we felt. You cannot advertise your movie as an action film if your only real action scene involves someone trying to get away on a boat that goes 15mph and people are keeping up with you on foot. And unless you are Darth Vader, I'm pretty sure in order to choke someone properly you aren't supposed to have an inch of space between the rope and the person's neck. Sara got a phone call during the movie, looked at her phone, and hit ignore. She apologized for the interruption. (Okay, the date feels like it is going okay, but clearly something is up with the texts and phone calls. I don't need a college degree to know that something is off.)
After the movie I decided to buck up and ask Sara about the phone call/texts.
Me: Is everything okay? Seems like someone is trying to get in touch with you.
Sara: Sorry. Don't worry about it. A friend of mine is just being annoying.
(And that person isn't me. Yay me! Yay me dance! It's my birthday! ... ahem, sorry, got a little carried away there in my head. Where was I? 1992?)
So as we're driving back to Sara's place, I can already feel myself getting nervous and prepping for what I am hoping will be our first kiss (...or more. I only forgot to open one door, so maybe that earns me a handy. Kidding... kind of. I'd be perfectly happy with just a kiss. I really like this girl.) But just as we are pulling up to her apartment...
Sara: Oh fuck.
Me: What? What just happened? Everything okay?
Sara: No. Apparently not. See that car in my driveway? (I nod.) That's my ex-boyfriend's car. He's the one who has been texting and calling me all night. I am really really sorry.
Me: Um... is there anything I can do? Do you want me to take you someplace else?
Sara: No. It's okay. I don't even know why he is here. I'll just go in and deal with him.
Me: I was going to walk you to your door. Do you want me to still walk you to your door?
Sara: Aw. That is really sweet of you, but I think the mood has just been spoiled. I really did have fun tonight, even if the movie was awful. Give me a call later this week?
Me: Absolutely. I had a great time too. Good luck.
And with that, we both leaned in towards each other and had a long kiss. With the sudden stress put on the situation, it wasn't the best kiss in the world, but it still ranked up there in my book. I'm pretty sure we both felt that special spark in the kiss.
So even when I finally manage to not screw something up with this girl, somebody else sweeps in and puts a damper on a beautiful evening. Such is the life of Nicholas Nobody.
The Waiting is the Hardest Part
I know I'm supposed to wait 3 days before calling a girl after she gives me her number... but I got anxious and called Sara after two. I was going to call her after one day, but Tom saw me dialing, grabbed my phone and threw it in the toilet (because he's a dick). In related news, I now have a new phone.
(In case you're wondering how I still have Sara's number, Android stores your contacts online in your gmail account. Thanks Google!)
In preparation for the call on day 2, I locked myself in my room before dialing so Tom couldn't come in and ruin another phone, but as is my continuous run of bad luck....
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Sara: Hello?
[Knock. Knock.] BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPP!
Damn it! I planned ahead for Tom, but not for the Douche. He must have come over to hang out with Tom and the dickhead releases one of the loudest burps known to man right outside my door. Right as Sara answered her phone.
Me [towards door]: Go away Douche!
Sara: Uh... excuse me?
Me: Oh hey. Ah. Sara?
Sara: Who the hell is this?
Me: Sorry, this is Nick. I wasn't calling you a douche. I was calling the Douche a douche.
Sara: Ooookay. Do you always burp on the phone like that? Honestly, not really attractive.
Me: Once again, that was the Douche. Not me. Sorry.
Sara: Suuure it was. (Good, I sense sarcasm in her voice. Good.)
Me: I didn't know he was here. Although since you've met him, does the loud burp really surprise you?
Sara: Nope. Not really.
Me: Seriously, if I had a dime for every time I mistakenly peed myself or had the Douche belch just as I was starting a conversation...
Sara: Yeah, so how much would you have?
(Crap. This might be a trap question. Must answer carefully.)
Me: I'd have about 20 cents. (Give or take $5... the Douche burping, not me peeing myself as an adult... probably.)
Sara: Well hopefully you won't be gaining any more dimes on our date.
Me: God I hope not. And kudos on getting right to the point of the phone call. Seems like you might end up being the man in this relationship.
Sara: Nope, I'm the woman. I definitely have a vagina. (Wow. She just... she... wow.) Anyway, I'm in the middle of cooking dinner and really should get going. I'm free tomorrow night, if that works for you.
Me: Absolutely.
We talked for another quick minute or two and decided to we'd grab some sushi at a Japanese restaurant in the city and maybe follow it up with a movie. Luckily tomorrow there will be no Toms or Douches around to mess things up. If something goes wrong, that'll be my fault and my fault alone.
(In case you're wondering how I still have Sara's number, Android stores your contacts online in your gmail account. Thanks Google!)
In preparation for the call on day 2, I locked myself in my room before dialing so Tom couldn't come in and ruin another phone, but as is my continuous run of bad luck....
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Sara: Hello?
[Knock. Knock.] BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPP!
Damn it! I planned ahead for Tom, but not for the Douche. He must have come over to hang out with Tom and the dickhead releases one of the loudest burps known to man right outside my door. Right as Sara answered her phone.
Me [towards door]: Go away Douche!
Sara: Uh... excuse me?
Me: Oh hey. Ah. Sara?
Sara: Who the hell is this?
Me: Sorry, this is Nick. I wasn't calling you a douche. I was calling the Douche a douche.
Sara: Ooookay. Do you always burp on the phone like that? Honestly, not really attractive.
Me: Once again, that was the Douche. Not me. Sorry.
Sara: Suuure it was. (Good, I sense sarcasm in her voice. Good.)
Me: I didn't know he was here. Although since you've met him, does the loud burp really surprise you?
Sara: Nope. Not really.
Me: Seriously, if I had a dime for every time I mistakenly peed myself or had the Douche belch just as I was starting a conversation...
Sara: Yeah, so how much would you have?
(Crap. This might be a trap question. Must answer carefully.)
Me: I'd have about 20 cents. (Give or take $5... the Douche burping, not me peeing myself as an adult... probably.)
Sara: Well hopefully you won't be gaining any more dimes on our date.
Me: God I hope not. And kudos on getting right to the point of the phone call. Seems like you might end up being the man in this relationship.
Sara: Nope, I'm the woman. I definitely have a vagina. (Wow. She just... she... wow.) Anyway, I'm in the middle of cooking dinner and really should get going. I'm free tomorrow night, if that works for you.
Me: Absolutely.
We talked for another quick minute or two and decided to we'd grab some sushi at a Japanese restaurant in the city and maybe follow it up with a movie. Luckily tomorrow there will be no Toms or Douches around to mess things up. If something goes wrong, that'll be my fault and my fault alone.
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