Last Thursday I'm having dinner at the Local Beer Pub (that is actually the name of the bar, but we call it the LBP) and hanging with Tom while he works. Tom is one of bartenders there so he usually hooks me up with free drinks and food, which saves me from having to cook for myself and eating alone. I usually sit at the bar which has a conveniently located mirror behind it that allows me to people watch in the reflection without being creepy. Lucky for me, about half way through my evening, a group of girls sat at the table behind me: a smoking hot blonde, an equally attractive brunette, and a Sasquatch (not literally, but she looked like a beast of a woman). Other than Sasquatch, these girls clearly looked out of my league, so I proceeded to ogle them from a distance and keep to myself, but Tom had different plans.
So I'm getting up to go take a piss when Tom asks me to bring a few drinks over to the table of girls in order to save him the trip. Naturally I was interested in the prospect of being near the girls, let alone talking to them, even if it was to just bring them their drinks. Just as soon as I get to the table, Tom comes up behind me and says to the girls, "This is Nick. He just bought you these drinks. You should ask him to join you."
ASSSSSSSHOOOOLE!!!
So yeah, Tom tricked me into talking to the girls. Not necessarily a bad thing since I wouldn't have started up a conversation by myself. The girls asked me to join them and it turns out the girls had names, as most do. The hot blonde, the one that peaked my interest, was named Sarah, but without an h, so it was just Sara. Don't know why I'm explaining that, but whatever, I typed it already. The equally attractive brunette was named Pam and their "friend" was name Grendel (I don't really remember what her name was, but it seemed fitting. Did I mention she was a beast of a woman? Also, it was pretty clear she didn't want me talking to her friends.)
I found out that Sara and Pam are teachers. Grendel eats villagers or works at a bank or something like that for a living. The girls were talking about music (Hey, I work at a music store!) and shopping (Hey, I hate shopping!) and some other girly stuff that I couldn't really relate to. They also said that they do karaoke on Wednesday nights at a dive bar up the road and, most importantly, they invited me to join them next week. (KACHING!) Sara then asked me what kind of music I'd sing. I told her I prefer to do 80s and 90s rock and metal. (POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME!) And then… it happened…
Sara: Sing something for us now.
Me: In the middle of the bar without music? Nah.
Sara: Come on. You know you want to.
Me: You'll just have to wait until Wednesday.
Sara: Do it or I'll tickle you.
Me: Wait. What?
Do you remember where I was headed before Tom asked me to bring the drinks over to these girls? I was heading to the bathroom to pee and that was 2 HOURS AGO. Do you know what happens when you really need to pee and someone proceeds to tickle you mercilessly? So… yeah… I pissed myself.
As soon as I felt it coming out, I ran to the men's room, but I knew there was a good chance that the ladies saw my jeans darken with a wet line as pee started running down my leg. Not attractive.
I obviously couldn't go back to the girls, so I cleaned myself up as best as I could and had to make a discreet exit. I asked a fellow bathroom patron to grab Tom for me so he could sneak me out the kitchen exit. Luckily he did, even if he was laughing hysterically the entire time. I asked Tom to apologize to the girls for me leaving in such a hurry and to make up a reason why (don't tell them I pissed myself) and he agreed to (he told them I pissed myself.)
ASSSSSSSHOOOOLE!!!
Maybe I blew my chances with Sara. Maybe not. I obviously probably can't do anything more embarrassing than I've already done. Tom and I are going to meet up with the girls for karaoke on Wednesday and, hopefully, I can redeem myself. (Maybe I'll win her over with a power ballad. Girls like power ballads. I think.) I guess we'll see.
