Tom went on a date with Pam last night. They went to a bar for dinner/drinks and to see a live band. (But enough about them, this blog is supposed to be about me.) I asked Tom to see if he could find out any details regarding what happened with Sara. Did I fuck up on the date and she was just being nice about breaking it off with me? Was it really about her ex? Tom came home around 1am and I couldn't wait for the details.
[As soon as Tom walked into the house.]
Me: So, what happened?
Tom: Have you been waiting for me to get home? How long have you been sitting there?
Me: A few minutes (...or 3 hours. Don't judge).
Tom: You've been sitting there since I left, haven't you? You have a problem. Go to bed.
Me: Come on. Tell me what happened. I neeeeed to know.
Tom: Dinner was good. Beer was good. Band was good. Pam is looking for a serious relationship. I’m looking for something casual. We had fun, but agreed we were looking for different things and would just be friends. She gave me a token kiss goodnight and that’s it.
Me: And…?
Tom: And I’m tired and going to bed.
Me: But what did you find out about Sara?
Tom: Nothing exciting. Just go to bed and I'll tell you in the morning.
Me: Come on. Don't be a dick.
Tom: Well at least I'll be a well rested dick if and when I feel like telling you details. Plus it is fun to watch you suffer.
ASSSSSSHOOOOOOOLE!
Since Tom decided to be a douche (not to be confused with The Douche), I was forced to go to bed and wait, but...
2am – still awake. Grrrr.
3am – still awake. This sucks.
4am – still awake. Fucking Tom. Asshole.
4:01am – AHHHHHH! I need to know NOW!
[I jumped out of bed. Busted into Tom’s room. Woke him up.]
Tom: What the? Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously Nick? It's like 5am.
Me: It's 4am. I can’t sleep! I need to know!
Tom: Fiiiine. If you admit that you need serious mental help.
Me: Yes. Help. Doctor. Brain. Talk. Please.
Tom: Gretta (aka Grendel) posted some kind of comment on Facebook that Sara was on a date and her ex saw it. She had fun on her date with you, but I guess what she had before was pretty serious. Just like she told you. Happy now? Can I go back to sleep?
Grendel cock-blocked me? Son-of-a-bitch.
When I went back to bed I had the most wonderful dream. I was in a castle that was being attacked by a horrible monster with the head of Grendel. Pam and Sara were lying half-naked in a bed behind me as I protected them from the horrible creature. Grendel lunged at me and I cut her head off with a sword. Then I joined Sara and Pam in the bed and we all started making out. And the dream was going great until my alarm went off and I woke up with my lips pressed firmly against my Darth Vader pillow (grown men can have Star Wars pillows. Don’t judge).
The book of Sara is closed for now but who knows, maybe things won’t work out with her on-again off-again boyfriend and we’ll get another chance. Maybe I’ll meet another girl tomorrow and she’ll be the right girl for me. For now though, I need to get ready for work.
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