The Douche went to high school with us and also now works with me at the music store. Beyond the obvious reason for nicknaming him "The Douche" (last name) the nickname really fits his persona. Ever known someone who burps and farts in front of girls when you are trying to pick them up? Ever known someone who likes to bring up the most embarrassing stories about you in front of strangers? That guy, my friends, is Steve Dooshe.
When we arrived at the Oceanside and found the girls, I finally got to see what they really looked like since it was a little hard to tell in the previous poorly lit bar.
Sara: About 5'6" which is perfect for me since I am 5'10". Her medium length blond hair rested comfortably on her shoulder and curled a bit at the end. She was wearing skinny jeans that showed off her ass and a shirt-sweater-wrap thing up top (I'm a guy, what do I know about clothes). If I had to guess, I'd say her chest is probably a C or D cup, but with all those push-up padded bras these days, who can really tell without asking (I'm not asking).
Pam: Very similar in body and shape to Sara but with, perhaps, slightly smaller boobs. She wore a skirt and Ugg boots that showed off just enough of her legs to make you realize how nice they were. They might be nicer than Sara's.
Grendel: About 5'11", freckles, curly red hair and overweight. I imagine if Annie and Sasquatch had a bastard child, it would be Grendel. Also, apparently her real name is Gretta (I wasn't too far off). When she saw me she called me "Pampers". Clearly she was going to ridicule me with what happened last week. I'm going to continue to call her Grendel. She is still a beast of a woman.
We grabbed a table central to the karaoke stage and initially sat like we were at a junior high dance: boys on one side, girls on the other. As the night progressed and drinks were consumed, we started to mix things up and seemed to move our seats around after anyone sang. Things seemed to be going well until The Douche does what he does best.
The Douche: [Chugs a beer and then burps] Hey, you guys remember that time we did karaoke and Tom puked on stage while singing? It was EPIC. And then Nick had to go up and sing after him and you could see the mic still had puke bits on it. EPIIIIC!
Somehow Grendel was the only one who was amused by this. Disturbing.
Anyway, I sang songs by Journey, Ramones, and even a little Young MC. Tom sang Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam, and more Pearl Jam. The Douche sang the Bee Gees (enough said). The girls did what most girls do at karaoke and sang their songs together (just like when they go to the bathroom together. Weird.) They sang Britney (bleh!), Bon Jovi (yay!) and Lady Gaga (double bleh!). The only big surprise was when Sara opted to go up by herself and sing a song by Blondie (a blond singing a song by Blondie, how fitting.)
Eventually we all began to pair up at the table: Tom and Pam, Grendel and The Douche, and of course Sara and myself. I began my conversation with Sara by explaining what happened at the bar last week with me pissing myself. I just wanted to get that out of the way and make sure it was in the past. Apparently she thought Tom was kidding when he told them, but she still thought I seemed like a nice enough guy even if I had bladder control problems. She told me she teaches junior high math, lives with Pam and Grendel (the beast), and recently got out of a relationship (which is perfect for me since I am single and
Sara: So are we going to keep up with the small talk or are you going to ask me out at some point tonight?
Me: Um... yes... I was planning on it... so... um... do you want to grab some dinner with me next week or something?
Sara: Do you promise not to pee your pants?
Me: I can say that I most definitely will probably not pee my pants.
Sara: I'm not really sure what that means, but I'm a gambler. Hand me your phone and I'll give you my number.
[Hand her my phone. She enters her contact info. Score 1 for the guy who peed himself.]
The night continued on with us making fun of all the good/bad/awful singers (which I'm pretty sure is the real reason anyone goes to karaoke) and a few rounds of tequila shots. As the night ended we all gave each other drunken hugs goodbye (even Grendel) and I got a little peck on the cheek from Sara (*blushing*). So now I wait the standard 3 days to call Sara and work out the details of our first date. I'm keeping my fingers and bladder crossed that it'll go well.
Wish me luck.
